


The Life and Trials of Stannis Baratheon

by Balerion



Series: The Life and Trials of Stannis Baratheon [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: M/M, Stannis is forever suffering, Stannis is going to have high blood pressure, Unpleasant Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-05
Updated: 2012-06-05
Packaged: 2017-11-06 23:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/424463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balerion/pseuds/Balerion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from asoiafkinkmeme: Either Loras meets Stannis or Robb meets Asha.</p>
<p>(910): I think that "I fucked you little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.</p>
<p>(I went with Loras & Stannis obv.)<br/>Prequel to: Renly, The (Fail) Matchmaker</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Life and Trials of Stannis Baratheon

Another four hours gone rescuing his brother from himself. Stannis only wanted to get home and lay down, possibly curse the gods for being born the middle child in combination with having an irresponsible older brother. He didn’t know why he was being burdened with essentially being Robert’s keeper. He had that best friend of his, Eddard Stark. Couldn’t he call Ned when he was in need of bail money and a car ride? 

Why was it Robert only called him when things were bad? He still wasn’t over that time Robert had needed to be rescued from Nowhere, Florida, just for them to be caught in the middle of a hurricane. He could still remember the motel they stayed in, the only one willing to give them shelter during a statewide lockdown. He remembered the rat that skittered across their floor. Its freaking nonstop squeaking. He hadn’t slept all night while Robert had snored the hours away in “Beer Dreamland.” Beerland, Robert called it.

Even after all of the stuff he’d gone through for him, Robert had still given his old Dodge Viper to Renly for his sixteenth birthday instead of him. Before the kid had even gotten his license. Robert had said it was because Stannis already had a car, but not two weeks after Renly’s birthday did Stannis lose that very car to a falling tree during that stupid freaking Floridian hurricane. Robert had gotten him a “gently used” Dodge Ram as an apology, but it wasn’t the same.

It definitely didn’t have the mileage that Stannis needed for all the times Robert was bound to need a ride home from his weekly prison cell visitations, but he grit his teeth and played the dutiful and thankful brother. Robert didn’t have to get him that car, but he was generous like that. And if it took three times the cost to buy a full tank for the truck, well, he wasn’t going to speak up and complain about it. Grin and bear it, Stannis always said. Or “grit and bear it” Renly liked to laugh when Stannis would mash his teeth in frustration.

The house looked dark from the outside and the door was locked top and bottom, but the Viper was in the garage next to Robert’s Hummer. Stannis didn’t give it much thought and quickly took out his keys, trying to ignore Robert’s drunken impatience. This time around Robert had gotten in a drunken bar fight. Luckily it went faster than they thought it would and were home in half the time Stannis had anticipated. He got the door open just as Robert was shouldering him out of the way.

He stumbled a step and then almost barreled into Robert, who was frozen in the doorway of the living room. Giving his older brother an annoyed look he turned his eyes to what had his attention, then promptly had an aneurism.

“RENLY BARATHEON,WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING ON OUR LIVING ROOM SOFA!!??” Stannis blew up quite magnificently. Later Renly would joke that he had had smoke coming out of his ears. Robert jumped and looked at his usually calm and sullen brother. Renly looked shocked where he lay. Naked, on the couch. With an equally naked brunette boy on top of him.

Stannis was still redfaced and grinding teeth as Robert broke the silence with a lewd joke and Renly looked gratefully at him as the two teens slowly moved apart, grabbing their clothes where they had dropped on the floor.

The brunette silently tugged on his jeans before focusing on the two elder Baratheons with what Stannis claimed was a smirk. “Hi, I’m Loras Tyrell, I’m the guy fucking your brother,” he said, going for funny to balance the tension coming from Stannis’s direction.Robert laughed and Renly looked at him with a peculiar little grin. “Haha, I like this one, Ren,” Robert said approvingly, Stannis wouldn’t have put it past him to give him the thumbs up if he wasn’t still so slow from all that tequila.

“You, you, how dare you dishonor my brother in our LIVING ROOM?” Stannis stammered in a rage, jaw clenching almost painfully. He hadn’t been this mad since Robert was arrested for arrested for assaulting that Targaryen boy. Loras quirked an eyebrow in response and Renly chuckled as he straightened up his shirt. “Dishonor? Really, Stannis. What are you? A medieval knight, here to defend my virtue?”

“Or lack there of,” Robert quipped, seeming suddenly a lot more sober as he reached over to high five Renly. The youngest brother looked weirdly pleased at Robert’s approving tone.

“Robert, don’t encourage him,” Stannis bite out roughly. “He’s just a kid, he shouldn’t be-” 

“I’m not a child, damn it,” Renly quipped, his brow wrinkling in annoyance. Stannis gave a glare in response and turned to Loras who was taking his sweet time with his stupid button up shirt. 

“You, get the hell out of my house,” Stannis barked, pointing unnecessarily at the door. Renly stood up and was about to blurt something out before Robert stepped in and for once took control. “Stannis, calm your shit. I was younger than Ren when I first traded in my V card. You can’t blame Larry-”   
“Loras.”   
“-for popping Ren’s cherry. He can take care of himself. He’s not six anymore.”

Stannis glared resentfully at his brothers. Renly was agreeing fully with him and Loras was telling him his life story, bragging about being lacrosse captain and all that jock crap Robert loved. This is my life, Stannis thought incredulously. I’m the logical one, the one who looks after them, and Robert’s the one that gets all the smiles and rainbows and gumdrops.

“I’m burning that couch,” Stannis muttered under his breath as he started to move towards the kitchen. “What was that, Stanny?” Renly asked, his blissful grin strangely irritating him. Of course, only noticing him when he wanted to leave. “I said I’m burning that couch, and you-” he pointed at Loras, violently stabbing the air. “Are paying for it.” With that he left and thundered up the stairs to his bedroom, wondering faintly if his hacker friend, Davos, could do a criminal check on that Tyrell character for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Stannis never catches a break. His brothers know how to torture him without much effort at all. Unbetaed, but I'd be interested in a future beta if anyone is interested.


End file.
